Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
