If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize