it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
