he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
