Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
