a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
