Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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