I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Fuck appropriateness.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
