i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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