I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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