I think I won the penis lottery.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
