she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
