opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
