Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
porn star boner night. come get it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
