I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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