That's intense
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
