please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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