so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
