I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
