1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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