Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
