I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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