covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
