Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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