Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
