Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
