All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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