there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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