This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
