I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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