Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
