the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
