let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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