I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
