he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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