yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize