It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
