there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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