I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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