While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize