grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
