smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize