she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
