we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
