i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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