sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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