I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
