ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
