She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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