it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
