did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
