You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
