I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
