capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
