I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
