from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
