No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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