areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
