what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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