I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
