Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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