Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
