His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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