I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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