if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
