The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
