just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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