I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
