I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
