definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
