It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
