Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
