All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
