If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
