I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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Randomize
