remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
