What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize