Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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