God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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