my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
