You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
